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that fat stupid American living in another country

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I got him to say Sorry....Now how do I get him to stop doing it? [ Nov 26th 6:55am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

The title pretty much sums up this little rant.  I don't even know what to say really....

I asked him to read an email two weeks ago about how to be supportive of different things that I am suffering from right now.  I asked him not to make me beg him to read them.  He said he would.  A week passed.  Honey are you going to read those emails?  Yeah.  By the end of this (5 day) weekend?  yeah sure.  Another week passes, and I'm just over it. 

He treated me like shit all day.  He was pushy and rushed me while I was trying to do paperwork that is important to the future of our marriage.  Ummmm, hello!  I am trying to do this shit correctly.  Why do you want me to do it wrong?  I've been telling you for months that I needed help...You finally lend a hand and you're like OH SHIT, that's a lot to do.  Let's rush and do it all in this weekend and waste 1000 dollars sending in a shitty app that will be returned.

But what's even more insulting.....Is that I have to justify everything to him over it.  I have been researching and researching my ass off about this stuff from DAY 1.  Where was he?  Nowhere to be found!  Now that he wants to help....He'll help, and it makes things go faster which is a big relief, but only if I can take the continuous abuse that he dishes out while helping me.   That's stupid.  You're retarded for doing that.  Blah blah blah.   Fight all day over things that, guess what, I researched and I know what I'm doing now.  Hello, I researched for months.  You were there.  You could have helped.  Now is the time to move on and push the product out, not question me on every single thing I'm doing.  It's just so frustrating, and insulting. 

I just...Don't even....Know what to think anymore.  I've almost run out of tears to cry.  Which isn't good!  Considering it makes me just not be able to care.  Is that the way he's going to push me away?   Ugh.  I just don't know what to do with him.  If he does this one more day I'm going to disappear. 

I made his lunch because I don't want him to suffer starving through a physical labor job cuz wifey is mad at him, but I think I'm going to ignore his calls.  I'll keep an eye out for the texts, and hope I see something I like.  After so long though, it all seems like a little game.  He hurts me, I cry, He comforts me, but not enough, He goes to sleep with me unfulfilled, Next day he acts like everything is alright and calls me to talk about trivial shit.  It's getting old fast.

I really try to pick my battles.  Because I realize that I have something special and he probably really does care about me, but I just can't be treated like that.  It's abuse, plain and simple, and I refuse to be abused.  I think he just needs to get help, and I don't know what I have to do to make him go get some.  How many migraines am I going to have to sit through where he says he feels like there's 'worms crawling in his head' and then his 'shoulders go numb' EVERY SINGLE TIME we have a fight, or he feels stressed about having to deal with immigration.  I mean come on it's seriously getting old.  You have health insurance, unlike me.  Go to the damn doctor and figure out what is wrong with you.

I just don't have anything else new to say.  It's all been said before.  We''ll see what tomorrow holds and if he goes through that email, especially with a little silent encouragement.

each longing for it's home

/Rant #1: Seasonal Depression, Asshole Brother-In-Law, Bad Dog, Toronto Traffic, and I am Dumb 2012 [ Nov 9th 7:25pm]
[ mood | irate ]

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each longing for it's home

bingo! [ Mar 28th 11:35pm]
[ mood | full ]

well today was a VERY interesting day. lol. why do i ever even write in this? it's not like i have much to put down. but yeah, i drove chris and cory all over becauase everytime i drove them somewhere we smoked a joint. lol. but then i went over to my grandma's, i don't even know why. i guess because i was high and stuff, and then they were going to bingo. so OF COURSE i had to go to bingo with the old people! it was like a nursery home, i was the youngest one there. now people may not realize it, but there is a LOT to bingo! lol but yeah, it wasn't that great cuz i only had 3 cards and all the old people had like 15 each. but the pot was 15 every time. but oh man, was that fun. lol. j/k. anyways, then i went with chris and cory somewhere again, and smoked on my roof. it was a beautiful day out today, reminded me of the san whatever winds in california. me and the boys even had the top down a lot. but yeahhh, i can't wait till i get a job. i've got to register for classes sometime in early april. i might get a job at either office max or lowes, but if they make me take a drug test for lowe's i'm fucked. :( so i hope they call me back for the office max one, that'd be DOPE. but yeah, i haven't talked to mikey for like a million years, so i'm going to talk to him tonight. <3 latah

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